Boyfriend Application

Are you currently unemployed?
Are you sporting one or more tattoos, visible or hidden that you refer to as 'tats'?
Do you own or plan to own a motorcycle (i.e. a "Harley")?
Do you use Afro-sheen or related products to contain your hair?
Do you have a t-top haircut or have had one in the past?
Do you still live with your parents?
Is your idea of a fun date doing keg stands or going to a keg party?
Do you have under 2.7 million in the bank or in hard assets?
Was your car produced during or before the Great Depression?
If you answered yes to any or all of the above questions, then why the hell would I date you? I wish I could clip you with my car.